hello life,

so many things have happened. some were good, some were not. but its very unlikely that i would be giving up some time soon. had a dream of getting married again, the same girl. it sucks to go through that again when you thought that you had gotten pass the phase and that you thought you have moved on quite well on your own, life would always have a way to laugh at your face.

just wished that u would call and say sorry.

Just another random thought

We all have lost our way in some part of the journey. Some quickly planned out their next steps and paddled through it wisely, but yet some just gave up with life's expectations and never be seen ever since. I strayed of the path the very first time when i was sixteen, first love as you may call it. Sparks were flying, first kiss killed the sweetest dream of an inmate who dreamt of being freed. It all felt unreal but yet it was there, heaven must have been brought down especially for me, just me only and noone could step up to that. I could have sworn that we promised that this was gonna be forever, at least that's what i thought it should be. Thousands of phone calls and another thousand for the meet up, it all ended abruptly 3600 hours later. Boo me because as a teenager, this was the first time i cried.

Moving on was hard because my heart felt empty, it felt like my mother's emotions when my older sibling took off to Ireland because when you oftenly see someone and he/she hears you when you talk, your heart seems like saying he/she is still here but to be truthful your mind rejects the input and you have to come to terms that noone is longer there in your life anymore. It took me months to get off from the same subject that my mind was teaching me every day but after some time, i managed to get back on the ground and put it all behind me. I declared myself mentally fit. But somehow the scar still remains even until today and everyone i know, has deep cuts in the organ they called heart themselves.

Moving on is just hard as getting your most wanted gift next to your bed from the non-existent Santa Clause who crawls in through a chimney on Christmas eve because it's just unrealistic but in the end we have to lead ourselves away anyway. I've seen people got their hearts broken and i've hurt people as much as a few of them hurt me so i'm becoming an expert in this field myself. I conclude that from what i've seen in life that once a person gets hurt, the next time someone approaches him/her and trying to get an inch closer to him/her everyday, the heart seems like being placed in a restricted area, no entry atleast until proven qualified to enter or in some cases noone has really entered that site again. Yes we all hate being let down, being depressed and being alone when we were promised "forever". But is it really fair that a new guy should pay for another guy's fault when you clearly know that an eagle you saw flying yesterday doesn't necessarily be the one they caged in the zoo today.

My purpose is really that everyone differs from each other, not just by the way we look or the crowd we hang with. I believe in equal rights for all that everyone deserves to be given a second look or chance and not just being put in an isolation just because you are afraid to let go of what's already done. Remember for one thing that your last guy sucks, but things don't necessarily going to end up the same in your next one cuz life's a game of roulette, it's either you keep betting and spin the fucking wheel, or get stuck in the same spot and win nothing forever.

LIFE IS NEVER AS GOOD OR AS BAD, I SHOULD SMILE BECAUSE AT LEAST I STILL HAVE TOMORROW TO AMEND WHAT IS WRONG.



But on the other note, i am fucking sad.


:)

random post

Well you know someone means so much to you when even after a while, you still feel as if she's still there for you, as if she still belongs to you, as if she's there in the stands, taking pictures of you graduating, as if she's there every night, picking up your phone calls and listening to every sentence you have to say to her, even if it's just a simple "i miss you", she would never get tired of that. She thinks that would suffice.


I guess nothing much has changed, loneliness still accompanies you. Tough luck, kiddo. Let's sleep this over, and hope that, come one morning, she'll be there next to you, just like you always pictured it would have been for the past years, had it not happened the way it did.


Still writing to reach you..

The roses are with you, but the message is here.

Hello,

Sebelum terasa mual dan ingin muntah, sila sediakan sepaket plastik di tepi anda supaya menyenangkan proses membaca entri dari blog saya ini.

It's me again. The gentleman from the last 2 years who turned out to be a complete ass for you to even smile at. I believe i have a good explanation why i did that in which i will reveal later on. I hope you like the petals because I've been meaning to do this ever since i left for Jakarta some odd years ago. I tried once giving you roses, but you never answered my phone calls when i was in front of your place, so i had to watch that thing died in my room. Sad, really. I know we only had a brief time together, but trust me when i say this:

you are still the habit that i could never get rid off. i cannot give you up just like that. not without trying..

I hope that answers it all. I want in. Now more than ever. I know i may not look like much, (you are an angel, we all get it :_) ) but i can afford time for you and a love to match yours. I wanna be loved like you loved all of your ex's, i want mine to be better, but if only you feel the same way. And trust me, i am nothing like i said was. I'm ready to settle down finally. We should really be testing the waves instead of just sitting by the dock

And if you don't feel the same way, i'm so gonna to delete this blog entry, or the blog altogether for this matter so that orang lain takkan find out that i have the courage to pull something cheesy like this out. He he

Now to the real question :

WILL YOU GO OUT WITH ME WITH THE CHANCE OF FINISHING WHAT WE STARTED?


See you soon.

DEAR JOHN