hello life,
so many things have happened. some were good, some were not. but its very unlikely that i would be giving up some time soon. had a dream of getting married again, the same girl. it sucks to go through that again when you thought that you had gotten pass the phase and that you thought you have moved on quite well on your own, life would always have a way to laugh at your face.
just wished that u would call and say sorry.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Monday, August 30, 2010
Just another random thought
We all have lost our way in some part of the journey. Some quickly planned out their next steps and paddled through it wisely, but yet some just gave up with life's expectations and never be seen ever since. I strayed of the path the very first time when i was sixteen, first love as you may call it. Sparks were flying, first kiss killed the sweetest dream of an inmate who dreamt of being freed. It all felt unreal but yet it was there, heaven must have been brought down especially for me, just me only and noone could step up to that. I could have sworn that we promised that this was gonna be forever, at least that's what i thought it should be. Thousands of phone calls and another thousand for the meet up, it all ended abruptly 3600 hours later. Boo me because as a teenager, this was the first time i cried.
Moving on was hard because my heart felt empty, it felt like my mother's emotions when my older sibling took off to Ireland because when you oftenly see someone and he/she hears you when you talk, your heart seems like saying he/she is still here but to be truthful your mind rejects the input and you have to come to terms that noone is longer there in your life anymore. It took me months to get off from the same subject that my mind was teaching me every day but after some time, i managed to get back on the ground and put it all behind me. I declared myself mentally fit. But somehow the scar still remains even until today and everyone i know, has deep cuts in the organ they called heart themselves.
Moving on is just hard as getting your most wanted gift next to your bed from the non-existent Santa Clause who crawls in through a chimney on Christmas eve because it's just unrealistic but in the end we have to lead ourselves away anyway. I've seen people got their hearts broken and i've hurt people as much as a few of them hurt me so i'm becoming an expert in this field myself. I conclude that from what i've seen in life that once a person gets hurt, the next time someone approaches him/her and trying to get an inch closer to him/her everyday, the heart seems like being placed in a restricted area, no entry atleast until proven qualified to enter or in some cases noone has really entered that site again. Yes we all hate being let down, being depressed and being alone when we were promised "forever". But is it really fair that a new guy should pay for another guy's fault when you clearly know that an eagle you saw flying yesterday doesn't necessarily be the one they caged in the zoo today.
My purpose is really that everyone differs from each other, not just by the way we look or the crowd we hang with. I believe in equal rights for all that everyone deserves to be given a second look or chance and not just being put in an isolation just because you are afraid to let go of what's already done. Remember for one thing that your last guy sucks, but things don't necessarily going to end up the same in your next one cuz life's a game of roulette, it's either you keep betting and spin the fucking wheel, or get stuck in the same spot and win nothing forever.
Moving on was hard because my heart felt empty, it felt like my mother's emotions when my older sibling took off to Ireland because when you oftenly see someone and he/she hears you when you talk, your heart seems like saying he/she is still here but to be truthful your mind rejects the input and you have to come to terms that noone is longer there in your life anymore. It took me months to get off from the same subject that my mind was teaching me every day but after some time, i managed to get back on the ground and put it all behind me. I declared myself mentally fit. But somehow the scar still remains even until today and everyone i know, has deep cuts in the organ they called heart themselves.
Moving on is just hard as getting your most wanted gift next to your bed from the non-existent Santa Clause who crawls in through a chimney on Christmas eve because it's just unrealistic but in the end we have to lead ourselves away anyway. I've seen people got their hearts broken and i've hurt people as much as a few of them hurt me so i'm becoming an expert in this field myself. I conclude that from what i've seen in life that once a person gets hurt, the next time someone approaches him/her and trying to get an inch closer to him/her everyday, the heart seems like being placed in a restricted area, no entry atleast until proven qualified to enter or in some cases noone has really entered that site again. Yes we all hate being let down, being depressed and being alone when we were promised "forever". But is it really fair that a new guy should pay for another guy's fault when you clearly know that an eagle you saw flying yesterday doesn't necessarily be the one they caged in the zoo today.
My purpose is really that everyone differs from each other, not just by the way we look or the crowd we hang with. I believe in equal rights for all that everyone deserves to be given a second look or chance and not just being put in an isolation just because you are afraid to let go of what's already done. Remember for one thing that your last guy sucks, but things don't necessarily going to end up the same in your next one cuz life's a game of roulette, it's either you keep betting and spin the fucking wheel, or get stuck in the same spot and win nothing forever.
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Thursday, August 19, 2010
random post
Well you know someone means so much to you when even after a while, you still feel as if she's still there for you, as if she still belongs to you, as if she's there in the stands, taking pictures of you graduating, as if she's there every night, picking up your phone calls and listening to every sentence you have to say to her, even if it's just a simple "i miss you", she would never get tired of that. She thinks that would suffice.
I guess nothing much has changed, loneliness still accompanies you. Tough luck, kiddo. Let's sleep this over, and hope that, come one morning, she'll be there next to you, just like you always pictured it would have been for the past years, had it not happened the way it did.
Still writing to reach you..
I guess nothing much has changed, loneliness still accompanies you. Tough luck, kiddo. Let's sleep this over, and hope that, come one morning, she'll be there next to you, just like you always pictured it would have been for the past years, had it not happened the way it did.
Still writing to reach you..
Monday, August 16, 2010
The roses are with you, but the message is here.
Hello,
Sebelum terasa mual dan ingin muntah, sila sediakan sepaket plastik di tepi anda supaya menyenangkan proses membaca entri dari blog saya ini.
It's me again. The gentleman from the last 2 years who turned out to be a complete ass for you to even smile at. I believe i have a good explanation why i did that in which i will reveal later on. I hope you like the petals because I've been meaning to do this ever since i left for Jakarta some odd years ago. I tried once giving you roses, but you never answered my phone calls when i was in front of your place, so i had to watch that thing died in my room. Sad, really. I know we only had a brief time together, but trust me when i say this:
you are still the habit that i could never get rid off. i cannot give you up just like that. not without trying..
I hope that answers it all. I want in. Now more than ever. I know i may not look like much, (you are an angel, we all get it :_) ) but i can afford time for you and a love to match yours. I wanna be loved like you loved all of your ex's, i want mine to be better, but if only you feel the same way. And trust me, i am nothing like i said was. I'm ready to settle down finally. We should really be testing the waves instead of just sitting by the dock
And if you don't feel the same way, i'm so gonna to delete this blog entry, or the blog altogether for this matter so that orang lain takkan find out that i have the courage to pull something cheesy like this out. He he
Now to the real question :
WILL YOU GO OUT WITH ME WITH THE CHANCE OF FINISHING WHAT WE STARTED?
See you soon.
DEAR JOHN
Sebelum terasa mual dan ingin muntah, sila sediakan sepaket plastik di tepi anda supaya menyenangkan proses membaca entri dari blog saya ini.
It's me again. The gentleman from the last 2 years who turned out to be a complete ass for you to even smile at. I believe i have a good explanation why i did that in which i will reveal later on. I hope you like the petals because I've been meaning to do this ever since i left for Jakarta some odd years ago. I tried once giving you roses, but you never answered my phone calls when i was in front of your place, so i had to watch that thing died in my room. Sad, really. I know we only had a brief time together, but trust me when i say this:
you are still the habit that i could never get rid off. i cannot give you up just like that. not without trying..
I hope that answers it all. I want in. Now more than ever. I know i may not look like much, (you are an angel, we all get it :_) ) but i can afford time for you and a love to match yours. I wanna be loved like you loved all of your ex's, i want mine to be better, but if only you feel the same way. And trust me, i am nothing like i said was. I'm ready to settle down finally. We should really be testing the waves instead of just sitting by the dock
And if you don't feel the same way, i'm so gonna to delete this blog entry, or the blog altogether for this matter so that orang lain takkan find out that i have the courage to pull something cheesy like this out. He he
Now to the real question :
WILL YOU GO OUT WITH ME WITH THE CHANCE OF FINISHING WHAT WE STARTED?
See you soon.DEAR JOHN
Sunday, November 23, 2008
this is me.
As far as im concerned, I've been through quite a rough patch this time of the year. I was in love and it felt like heaven when it happened, but when it ended, i'm not sure that even hell could hurt me more than that, but i'm good. Life's like that, i won't let the negative side of the break up to affect me in the bad ways, on the positive tone though, atleast it has matured me on who to trust and when to trust someone. Everything needs to be done more appropriately this time around, everything needs to be trustworthy, and if they mention the word "perfect", it has to be about us.
You see, the thing about being in a relationship is that, we are never ready for the heart breaking part, since we are only in it for the true admiration we have for each other in the first place. Noone wants to forge a partnership, only for it to dissolve after months of hardwork, noone wants to leave the place they are so used to, noone wants to let go of the hands that fit theirs perfectly, and noone wants to attend the burial of the love they kept so long inside, so why does everyone want to fight?
I can't explain the trend, and i if had one wish, i wish for the happiness that a couple shares, is only for theirs to keep, not for any other stranger that could come knocking the door to the hearts of any of those two who are supposed to be in love with only themselves. Everything can be fixed, arguments can be resolved, just as long as you have the patience to do it. It's true that the heart minds what you feel, but it's the mind that tells your heart of what to feel. For me, it's how far you would go for someone, it all depends on your mentality, and if i ever had one advice for you, it is that you do not give up so cheaply. Just bare the cost until you can't wallet the emotion anymore.
I was in love before, and i'm sure that i will be in love again, and when the time comes, i'll never contribute enough reasons for the other half of mine to even contemplate of leaving because this time around, Holly loves me for all the obvious reason, the reason is always ME, and me alone :D
Edited:
Shout out to my boy, Hazrul and the lovely lady of his, Happy One Year Anniversary, i hope that it stays for thousand more years to come.
You see, the thing about being in a relationship is that, we are never ready for the heart breaking part, since we are only in it for the true admiration we have for each other in the first place. Noone wants to forge a partnership, only for it to dissolve after months of hardwork, noone wants to leave the place they are so used to, noone wants to let go of the hands that fit theirs perfectly, and noone wants to attend the burial of the love they kept so long inside, so why does everyone want to fight?
I can't explain the trend, and i if had one wish, i wish for the happiness that a couple shares, is only for theirs to keep, not for any other stranger that could come knocking the door to the hearts of any of those two who are supposed to be in love with only themselves. Everything can be fixed, arguments can be resolved, just as long as you have the patience to do it. It's true that the heart minds what you feel, but it's the mind that tells your heart of what to feel. For me, it's how far you would go for someone, it all depends on your mentality, and if i ever had one advice for you, it is that you do not give up so cheaply. Just bare the cost until you can't wallet the emotion anymore.
I was in love before, and i'm sure that i will be in love again, and when the time comes, i'll never contribute enough reasons for the other half of mine to even contemplate of leaving because this time around, Holly loves me for all the obvious reason, the reason is always ME, and me alone :D
Edited:
Shout out to my boy, Hazrul and the lovely lady of his, Happy One Year Anniversary, i hope that it stays for thousand more years to come.
Sunday, November 16, 2008
THIS IS NOT FOR YOU, JGN NAK TERASA LEBIH2 YE?
Afternoon,
It's around 1240 now, i just took my bath and now I'm stuck in front of the computer, thinking of what to do. I suppose i could just let all my feelings out in one post, but I'll fucking eat myself if you read it and smile, and thinking that i wrote it out for you. I just cannot be bothered about you anymore, when one day i would stumble upon you, I'd spit the ground you walk on because I'm done worshiping it because your gods are made from China which is why you forked out fake prophecies. (referring to the statement of: "i worship the ground you walk on")
I should not be mad, but sometimes the level of ignorance in some people can be very devastating. You see all we wanted to do was to be able to make you smile (again? ), but if smiling wasn't enough for you, you could have just said it, but you chose to turn to a backstabbing ass snakes with friendly grins. I went to bed yesterday, hating your guts, your lies, but hoping that when i woke up, all of that would just be gone as usual, but it did not and stayed. But that's okay, you don't need to say sorry, it's my heart that needs to be apologizing to for all the times my mind managed to charm it with all the lies that you created. Thank you. You are one species that i hope extinct.
So this is how i sum up my day, I'm all well though, it's just that, narrow minded ass fucks bother me big time sometimes. Hmm i wrote this one for no one, i took no prisoners in the words i mentioned, i hope everyone lives their lives well cuz i don't want to be attending funerals some time soon. Lol. I'm just upset that things didn't go my way for a lot of reasons, i could not complete my studies, 6 months ahead of schedule, because of these absent minded fucks who supposedly hired to help the students, troubled us more. Bodoh, susun lah jadual tu elok2 lain kali, now i'm stuck doing 3 subjects from my intended 4. You see the thing is saya ade lagi 11 subjects, and since ni short sem, saya nak buat sem ni 4 subjects, and the other will be done in the long sem, and then i'm gone. But for the reasons said above, IM FUCKING PISSED OFF.
Lol, i'm not mad, i just wanted something to write about. Big ups for the visit.
Thank you, i love you all
*Edited
This is also a shout to my best friend's Mom, get well soon Auntie, your son loves you and misses your cooking. I love you bro. This is for you Hazrul. And btw, Lulu baru kasik bday present kat saya, which is a Dunhil Pure perfume, thank you Lily, even if kau slalu menyampah ngan aku, just know that kat cyber ni, kau sorang je perempuan aku sayang. MWAHH.
It's around 1240 now, i just took my bath and now I'm stuck in front of the computer, thinking of what to do. I suppose i could just let all my feelings out in one post, but I'll fucking eat myself if you read it and smile, and thinking that i wrote it out for you. I just cannot be bothered about you anymore, when one day i would stumble upon you, I'd spit the ground you walk on because I'm done worshiping it because your gods are made from China which is why you forked out fake prophecies. (referring to the statement of: "i worship the ground you walk on")
I should not be mad, but sometimes the level of ignorance in some people can be very devastating. You see all we wanted to do was to be able to make you smile (again? ), but if smiling wasn't enough for you, you could have just said it, but you chose to turn to a backstabbing ass snakes with friendly grins. I went to bed yesterday, hating your guts, your lies, but hoping that when i woke up, all of that would just be gone as usual, but it did not and stayed. But that's okay, you don't need to say sorry, it's my heart that needs to be apologizing to for all the times my mind managed to charm it with all the lies that you created. Thank you. You are one species that i hope extinct.
So this is how i sum up my day, I'm all well though, it's just that, narrow minded ass fucks bother me big time sometimes. Hmm i wrote this one for no one, i took no prisoners in the words i mentioned, i hope everyone lives their lives well cuz i don't want to be attending funerals some time soon. Lol. I'm just upset that things didn't go my way for a lot of reasons, i could not complete my studies, 6 months ahead of schedule, because of these absent minded fucks who supposedly hired to help the students, troubled us more. Bodoh, susun lah jadual tu elok2 lain kali, now i'm stuck doing 3 subjects from my intended 4. You see the thing is saya ade lagi 11 subjects, and since ni short sem, saya nak buat sem ni 4 subjects, and the other will be done in the long sem, and then i'm gone. But for the reasons said above, IM FUCKING PISSED OFF.
Lol, i'm not mad, i just wanted something to write about. Big ups for the visit.
Thank you, i love you all
*Edited
This is also a shout to my best friend's Mom, get well soon Auntie, your son loves you and misses your cooking. I love you bro. This is for you Hazrul. And btw, Lulu baru kasik bday present kat saya, which is a Dunhil Pure perfume, thank you Lily, even if kau slalu menyampah ngan aku, just know that kat cyber ni, kau sorang je perempuan aku sayang. MWAHH.
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